and she whispers

There are words that I hold close to my heart, myself, and I rarely, never really, let them out entirely. When I do, it's fragments, little peeks between the barriers of my heart. No, I wouldn't call them barriers. But I guess there are just things that we hold close to us, things that we think, feel, that sits so deeply, so dug into our hearts, that it almost feels like we're betraying ourselves if we tell another soul.

But those words came around again, tonight, softly whispering into my ears...

Did you know, that when I think about this life I have ahead of me, I'm scared? I'm scared about not having the chance, not having the fate, to do things. That whoosh, life will just surpass me and one day I'll wake up not being able to do the things I once dreamed. By things, of course, I mean one particular role... a role that I'm scared I won't have the fate to carry. Of course, in life, things happen and things don't happen. But thinking about not being able to... not having it in my life... it pangs my heart and brings a sour, salty taste into my heart. I don't know why, but suddenly, this has meant so much to me.

Of course, I still have all this life ahead of me, and perhaps I need not worry about these things... yet. But yet, because it means so much to me, it's hard not to lay a thought on it every once a while.