such a wonderful tune, I couldn't keep it to myself.
at default mode
After dinner last night, I did the dishes, cut fruits for the mother, then I went to my study desk. From then on, I opened up my readings for the week, and slowly paced myself as I went through them, page by page. Mum was in the kitchen, watching her korean drama, Papa was upstairs resting, and it was quiet, still and just perfect.
And I relished in it, so fully and wholeheartedly, and I thought to myself, this is what I love. The quiet, the stillness. Maybe, after all, I've found my default mode.
oh the juggles!
I read a book not too long called Crazy, Busy. The girls and I (from discipleship) were browsing for a book to study one night, and we stumbled upon this one. Even though we didn’t end up choosing this book, when I went to the bookshop to get the books we chose, I couldn’t help but ask the employee there to locate this book for me too. You see, the title just spoke to me. It speaks to all of us.
I wrote a few key points down as I read it, and they’re now in a notebook somewhere in the house, but the jist of it is: it is possible to be busy but not feel like you’re going crazy. That, that point right there, is something I’ve been trying to master for the past week. But of course, hayfever gone into overdrive and unwise decisions about late night coffee intake (leading to a lot of ceiling staring past midnight) led me down the path of less-than-impressive productivity on Saturday. I was absolutely goners, unable to function for most of the day, and part of me, oh yes, was damn frustrated with myself.
But then I decided that I was really trying my best, maybe not in that moment because I was physically down and out, but I have been trying to give everything my best shot. Realising my limitations as a human being, and accepting them, it was the most productive thing I had done all day and probably all week too, if I was being honest with myself. Thanks to this revelation, my Sunday went swell and I was back to normal again.
I wrote a few key points down as I read it, and they’re now in a notebook somewhere in the house, but the jist of it is: it is possible to be busy but not feel like you’re going crazy. That, that point right there, is something I’ve been trying to master for the past week. But of course, hayfever gone into overdrive and unwise decisions about late night coffee intake (leading to a lot of ceiling staring past midnight) led me down the path of less-than-impressive productivity on Saturday. I was absolutely goners, unable to function for most of the day, and part of me, oh yes, was damn frustrated with myself.
But then I decided that I was really trying my best, maybe not in that moment because I was physically down and out, but I have been trying to give everything my best shot. Realising my limitations as a human being, and accepting them, it was the most productive thing I had done all day and probably all week too, if I was being honest with myself. Thanks to this revelation, my Sunday went swell and I was back to normal again.
a musical journey
Upon getting out of your offline hiatus on Saturday, you chatted to me about Isaac’s progression with piano. The row, your life pep talk and his response.
It’s not the first time we’ve talked about it, and every time we do, I continue to reflect on my own musical journey afterwards. What am I doing about it? Am I doing anything at all? Where do I want to go from here? These are questions that haunt me, not only in the realms of piano, but in many other areas of my life as well. And that, that’s a problem.
What I ultimately want to achieve with piano is to really hone in on my skills, and play truly emotively. Most of it (like Isaac’s situation) is consistency, so that I’m making every. lesson. worth it. Short term, I’d like to sit for my Certificate of Performance in June next year. It may seem like a long time, but in the grand scheme of things (uni, work, friends), it’s not long at all. And don’t tell anyone, I hope to do it ‘on my own’. What I mean is, I’d like to go in to my exam, without Mum’s knowledge, and just do it. Is that weird? I guess from grade 8 till now, piano has felt like such a personal journey to me, and I want to keep it that way. Plus, less pressure on me if the mothership doesn’t know (you’d understand, being on the other end yourself).
The problem with piano, though, as I mentioned before, is that I’m not sure whether it deserves all the focus that I’m giving it right now. I face a different problem from Isaac… my problem is – is the time I’m giving it, leading me to lose focus? But then again… I can’t imagine my life without it. It’s like Isaac wanting to sell the piano – I don’t want to throw my love for piano away. It’s not even the skills I’m talking about… just having something that I really like is so wonderful, so wonderful that it doesn’t matter if it’s not going to be my career, my bread and butter. It’s my jam, you know? (Oh, you know you liked that pun ;)
It’s not the first time we’ve talked about it, and every time we do, I continue to reflect on my own musical journey afterwards. What am I doing about it? Am I doing anything at all? Where do I want to go from here? These are questions that haunt me, not only in the realms of piano, but in many other areas of my life as well. And that, that’s a problem.
What I ultimately want to achieve with piano is to really hone in on my skills, and play truly emotively. Most of it (like Isaac’s situation) is consistency, so that I’m making every. lesson. worth it. Short term, I’d like to sit for my Certificate of Performance in June next year. It may seem like a long time, but in the grand scheme of things (uni, work, friends), it’s not long at all. And don’t tell anyone, I hope to do it ‘on my own’. What I mean is, I’d like to go in to my exam, without Mum’s knowledge, and just do it. Is that weird? I guess from grade 8 till now, piano has felt like such a personal journey to me, and I want to keep it that way. Plus, less pressure on me if the mothership doesn’t know (you’d understand, being on the other end yourself).
The problem with piano, though, as I mentioned before, is that I’m not sure whether it deserves all the focus that I’m giving it right now. I face a different problem from Isaac… my problem is – is the time I’m giving it, leading me to lose focus? But then again… I can’t imagine my life without it. It’s like Isaac wanting to sell the piano – I don’t want to throw my love for piano away. It’s not even the skills I’m talking about… just having something that I really like is so wonderful, so wonderful that it doesn’t matter if it’s not going to be my career, my bread and butter. It’s my jam, you know? (Oh, you know you liked that pun ;)
butting of heads
You know when your best friends texts you, “Hey, how has things been since your dad came back?” about a week after you caught up with her, something is off. Apparently a passing remark of mine over dinner that night struck her and stayed with the girl for the rest of the week, before she upped and asked me.
That’s the thing, me and her just have this inherent feel for each other’s feels that I love and appreciate. She is, after all, the one and only outside family that I’ve truly let in.
Yesterday marked twenty two years that my folks have been together. Twenty two. It’s a long time, certainly longer than I’ve been alive (which is the a la natural thing to do, I know, but some days I just feel old and ancient and worthy of a museum display, ok?). Things have been alright, truly, but a bit here and a bit there of butting of heads will all accummulate one day. I’m anticipating it, but I know I can’t worry about it. I know most days they are trying their best in this cohabitation deal and I keep it at the back of my mind… always (trying my best to) remind myself that things could be so much worse, but they aren’t, at least not yet.
That’s the thing, me and her just have this inherent feel for each other’s feels that I love and appreciate. She is, after all, the one and only outside family that I’ve truly let in.
Yesterday marked twenty two years that my folks have been together. Twenty two. It’s a long time, certainly longer than I’ve been alive (which is the a la natural thing to do, I know, but some days I just feel old and ancient and worthy of a museum display, ok?). Things have been alright, truly, but a bit here and a bit there of butting of heads will all accummulate one day. I’m anticipating it, but I know I can’t worry about it. I know most days they are trying their best in this cohabitation deal and I keep it at the back of my mind… always (trying my best to) remind myself that things could be so much worse, but they aren’t, at least not yet.
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