I feel so bad right now, because I feel like I was being a total arse at my violin lesson today... unengaging, attention span breaking. My violin teacher was trying so hard to strike up a conversation today, but I was almost like a wall, answering "yep", "oh yeah?" and laughing when I felt like the moment called for it. I felt like a wall today, and it just felt awful. I felt like the worst person in the world, because it probably seemed like I didn't want to be there.
Thank you for listening to me last night... I really needed that. There's going to be so much change, outside of me and within me these few weeks. I just hope that whatever happens outside of me, that the inside of me will change for the better. I want to so desperately be a better person, sunny. I don't feel whole, right now, and I so desperately want to be whole. I guess that's up to me, isn't it? I don't have Kung Kung and Popo to make me feel whole anymore, haha.
I really want to say, it's not all bad. This is just one aspect of my life, be it a big aspect, but it's just one aspect of my life that is negative, that is uncertain. But I shouldn't let one big ball of uncertainty overcloud all the other certainties in my life, you know? There is you, there is Kung Kung, Popo, Isaac, 3E Chang and EE. There is university to keep me busy, and maybe even some friends there? There is growth that I can venture into and submit myself to, within the world of music, of violin and piano. These are all positive, worthy aspects of my life that I'm trying to keep a firm grip onto, and I think I'm doing a good job. Thanks for being there always, you will always been the sun in my life.