it's been really hard to put into actions what I feel lately. slowly, yes, I'm able to put it in to words, something that I'm getting better at lately. and there's something about that... that I'm proud of. it feels like I'm finally standing up for myself. not in a loud way, but a clear way.
there are things I wish I was better at, sunny. I think we all have that. it's more than just imperfections... because I think we all know we are imperfect and there are just some imperfections that make us who we are and that's fine. and then there are those that get us down... and recently I feel like I've been let down by others' perceptions of my imperfections. and I feel like screaming, 'can't I just be left alone to figure it out myself?' I'm almost saying, 'let me make the mistake that you think I'm about to make, because I don't want my next mistake to be involving you'.
so... I'm going to slowly and readily clear my palette. I have to admit, it hurt to send in my resignation to the conference. but there was a tiny sense of relief. I had to make it very clear to myself that I'm not letting this go just so that I will get papa and mummy off my back, but because I need to, to refocus my focus. because I want to. and that's when I hit the send button.