Spoke to Papa tonight... and towards the end he mentioned that he intends to come back early march, to settle in. That is before we move to our new place. So I was hesitant, and said things like, 'oh, just so you know, they say summer is going to be longer this year' when he said he wanted to settle into march because cooler weather is coming in, and 'we've still got your winter clothing, just so you know' when he said he wanted to come earlier because he wanted to buy his winter clothes early.
In hindsight, I probably shouldn't have said those things. He probably sensed that I didn't want him to come back during that time, only when we moved in (cause I know him and mum would fight a lot about that). And I was so scared after the phone call that his feelings were hurt, and that I had upset him and he would be upset at me sort of thing.
I'm anticipating his move back... I know it won't be easy. I know it'll be hard and life for mum and me will be different again. It'll be back to second doubting myself, wondering if I'm good enough, thinking that I'm not good enough... and ahhh I'm just not sure I'm ready for that yet. But I also want to do what's best for him too, being his daughter and all, I guess.