Didn't write yesterday... I think you can guess why.
It's hard not to be bitter about it, 3E. There are so many reasons to be bitter, and it sucks, sucks, sucks. It's got to the point where I just don't know what to say anymore. It frustrates me, saddens me, disappoints me. I cried while watching the telly yesterday, silent tears pouring down. I broke, when I talked to Kung Kung on the phone last night. In three words, he was able to describe what I wanted to say, but couldn't bring myself to say: 不公平. And that's what it was... it just felt unjustified on so many levels.
I think two reasons that really got to me was:
1) it was a 0.05 difference from my actual score. It made all the excitement, happiness I felt when I first saw my score, worthless. And I hated that, but that was how I felt.
2) my friends who got lower marks than me, got in to the same course, in the same university. I was happy for them, really, I was... but I thought, "if they could get in, there are probably a lot out there with special circumstances who can." Should I have talked about Papa in my application?
It may have been arrogant of me, but I thought I was 70% there to getting in. But turns out, I was just so close, but not close enough. I'm angry at myself, too, because of how I'm reacting. I'm usually so cool about these things, accepting of my circumstances, but somehow with this, I just couldn't turn around and say "oh, it's all good."